My friend from yoga showed me what my first ‘65th year challenge to myself’ should be. When I wrote the column about spending my 65th year putting forth a little monthly challenge to myself, I started wondering what the heck that would look like and what I would do. But the very next day, my friend asked me if I had time for a quick lunch after my morning class.
I hummed and hawed a bit, but it was enough for her to notice. We can just make it another time if it doesn’t work, she quickly added. But there was absolutely no reason it couldn’t work, except that I hadn’t anticipated it, hadn’t worked it into my personal psyche and my day’s schedule. Seriously, the only other things on my agenda were ‘dog park’ and ‘pick up dishwasher cubes’. Being that it was only noon, surely there was plenty of time to ‘fit in a quick lunch’. So off we went in our yoga gear and had a lovely visit, and I was home to fold neatly back into my usual routine just an hour later.
Living with an autistic person has required a number of adjustments that I would never have thought were connected. But one of the things I learned very early on was to strive to have most days feel very much the same as each other. Unexpected events, even tiny momentary veers, could cause distress just as much as bright lights, loud noise and large crowds. Taking the wrong turn on some days caused overstimulation. It’s easier to keep a tight lid on everything, I discovered, which changed the moments in my own days, as well. I am conditioned to live on alert, to keeping watch of the days even now that it’s not necessary to be so elevated about it anymore. I am stuck in my ways.
Many of us get here eventually through various and understandable paths. My yoga friend understood. Her challenge was deprogramming herself from a routine that had been ‘school bell dictated’ multiple times a day, after teaching for over 30 years. She retired nearly 15 years ago but was still feeling internally regulated by that bell on some days. But those days are fewer and fewer now, which gives us all hope! Maybe all of us will eventually be cleared of the routines we’ve internalized along the way that no longer serve us.
I always thought being stuck in my ways would mean I would become narrow-minded or impatient with philosophies that are different than mine. Quite the contrary, I find people fascinating and have loved getting to know people of all ages from many walks of life. Just the same, I have discovered my first challenge to myself will be to step outside my comfort zone periodically and push against my quest for routine. I’m not striving for spontaneity, but I hope to achieve flexibility. Let the days unfold as they will! Within reason, that is.